Pathetic
by HK-47 Scarlet
Summary: Wake up, go out drinking, stagger home, sleep, and repeat, is Tachi's daily ritual. What happens when it's interrupted and he bumps into two people he doesn't want to see? Can they help him see how pathetic he really is? And, is that really a good thing?


**A/N: **Something I had written down for a whole month before finally deciding to post. Takes place after the anime.

**Focus: **Taki

**Rating: T **(Language)

**Word Count: **5,177

**Genre: **Drama

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Gravitation or its characters and am making no money from this what so ever. Concrt _greatly_ appreciated.

* * *

Bright lights blurred together in one blinding haze – the the night was still young and full of life, chattering pedestrians, cars with blaring music, and one angry ex-vocalist. Though his anger was great and radiated off his very being, it was shrouded in the festivities of the Tokyo streets – but Aizawa Tachi was not one to get lost in the cheerful banter or loud club music that resounded throughout the city of Tokyo.

Tachi's staggering footfalls echoed against the sidewalk and became more audible as he turned into a quieter street; the music, car horns, and chattering all blending together in the background until fading into almost nothing.

His vision did not allow him to make out any street signs to tell him where he was, as all the words came together before his eyes in one hazy image. Normally he would not care, but tonight he had over indulged in beer and Martinis more so than usual, and he just wanted to get home and sleep it off.

It was his life now, after the incident with Bad Luck. Wake up, go out drinking, stagger home, sleep, and repeat. Occasionally he would get a visit from Ken or Ma-kun, wanting to see how he was fairing with his new life. But lately, after Tachi unleashed his pent up rage upon them, their visits became less frequent. When they _did_ visit, it was usually short – they would say hello, ask how he was doing, and when Tachi would reply with something along the lines of "Just fucking dandy", they would leave.

Things hadn't always been this bad. After being "released" by Seguchi the three worked hard to try and make a new name for themselves. They went from club to club to see if anyone would take them, but no one would. Tachi knew it had something to do with Seguchi's influence – the man had the power of a god in the music industry, and after what Tachi did to Yuki Eiri, he was sure Seguchi used his influence to keep Tachi from performing ever again. Even at the cheapest of dives, where no one was musically educated enough to know of Seguchi, would Tachi be given the cold shoulder.

He remembered one instance where his band actually had been hired, and within three weeks were let go without reason – he remembered having a conversation with the club owner; he had seemed as if he really didn't want to talk about it – as if he were _afraid _to talk about it.

The most twisted part, however, was how Ma-kun and Ken would get offers alone, or just _without _Tachi. He wasn't sure if Seguchi used his power to solely crush Tachi alone because the others had nothing to do with the incident, or if he did it to further mess with Tachi's head. Honestly, Tachi would not have put it passed him – Seguchi was a twisted bastard.

_Maybe I should just leave Japan – go over to America. Unless he used his power to appeal to XMR too, _he thought wryly.

Eventually Tachi's world begun to spin around and around, throwing his footing off balance – he stopped walking and leaned against a telephone pole in the hopes that his dizziness would wear off in a few minutes. And it had; however, his stomach had begun to lurch and he felt something rising from its core, up his esophagus, and eventually out of his mouth and on to the pavement. He did not know how long he stood hunched over, clutching his stomach as it cramped up and bile poured from his mouth, but it was _too_ long, and he had the urge to just collapse on the floor like a filthy bum.

When he had finished releasing the contents of his stomach, Tachi pulled a napkin out of his pocket and wiped his mouth off. He felt lower than the lowest now – in one night he got kicked out of two bars, got into a bar fight with someone he didn't even know, and released his lunch all over the sidewalk. To top everything off, he was sure Ken and Ma-kun hated him – even if they never admitted it. He had taken their friendship for granted, and now it was probably broken.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," he muttered.

"I still say you had fun – even if you won't admit it."

That voice – it was so fresh in his mind and every time he heard it he would be able to pin in it mere seconds. Shindou Shuichi. It sounded so close, but where did it come from?

In a vain attempt to move as fast and far as possible from the voice, Tachi spun around far too quickly for his mushy brain to handle, and ended up plowing right into someone and falling back on his bum.

He winced from the sting of the fall before glaring up at the cause – even if it was _his_ fault – and found his breath vanishing in the instant. His fingers had instinctively started to retract into a fist against the pavement, his teeth gritting against each other so hard he felt a twinge of pain in his jaw.

"It's you." The words spoken by Shindou were short, but in those two single syllables Tachi heard resentment, surprise, and a faint tone of dread, as if he were expecting this day to come sooner or later.

Tachi's eyes were boring holes so intently into the other vocalist that he had not noticed the tall figure beside him until Shindou spared him a glance.

Yuki Eiri loomed over Tachi, hands in pockets and eyes as cold and emotionless as ever. Tachi felt a chill down his spine and for the moment he could not decipher whether it came from the weather or Yuki's presence. What confused Tachi the most was how he could stand there with a look of utter indifference while his partner harbored a look of loathing – especially after everything that had happened between the three in the past.

Tachi felt his heart beat pick up and his palms sweating despite being against the cold pavement. His breath had picked up as well; seeing the two here, it tore through Tachi's soul. Because now he could not pretend as if they did not exist like he had been doing for the past two years. Seeing them here, he was reminded that they were still very much real, only now it was more of a slap in the face. It wasn't like when Tachi saw Bad Luck on television – he would always just change the channel or turn a blind eye. And he never read or went into any bookstores, so it was easy to avoid seeing Yuki Eiri's name all over the place. But to see them standing over him, very much _real – _It was going to take another two years for him to pick himself back up – back to where he was before a few moments ago, anyway.

"Get out of – out of my way," Tachi spat out in a slur, despite the fact that he was on the floor and in _their _way. He had nothing feasible to say to the pair, and had only wanted to get his point across; that he didn't want to be in their presence for any longer.

Shindou shook his head ever so slightly. "He's drunk." His words were laced with pity, and it was enough to make Tachi fume.

He did not _need_ nor did he _want_ anyone's pity.

Tachi placed his hands firmly against the ground and pushed himself up, though he ended up stumbling back when he felt his world spin once again, and fell flat on his backside. Ignoring the sting of pain, he cried out in frustration and glared up at the famous couple again, wondering why they were still standing there. "What're you waiting for? Get out of here!"

Instead of walking away, Shindou craned his head up to look at Yuki. He whispered something to the writer that Tachi could not hear, nor did he really care too. They could say whatever he wanted about him – he was used to being treated like scum.

He _was_ scum – he came to terms with that fact.

Deciding to take it slow this time, Tachi carefully lifted himself off the ground, using the telephone pole as support. He was ready to stumble away before he felt a hand on his arm, causing him to instinctively pull away. His eyes narrowed at the unwanted contact, his glare landing on Shindou.

"Let go of me," he spat out, his words almost getting caught in his throat. When Shuichi's grip didn't relent, Tachi pulled harder – though in his drunken state he was too weak. "I said let go!"

Shindou shook his head. "C'mon," he said softly, trying to usher Tachi across the street. He tried to resist but it only caused him to sway back and forth – and before he knew it he was across the street, standing next to what looked like a Mercedes Benz with his arm in Shindou's grip.

The younger male reached passed Tachi and pulled open the car door, and all Tachi could do was watch helplessly as he was pushed into the back seat of the car, too drunk to do anything about it. He felt his head spinning and was afraid that if he attempted to move he'd unload yesterday's dinner. _I __should__ throw up all over his car, _he thought balefully as he slid down in the back seat.

Tachi could hear Shindou and Yuki talking outside of the car, but he couldn't hear a word they said. All he knew was that Shindou sounded as if he were annoyed and Yuki sounded – well, like Yuki. Calm, emotionless, the works. Tachi had no doubt they were talking about him, but he really didn't care. They could do what they want – drive him to the docks and dump his sorry hide in the river, or take him to an ally and beat the daylights out of him – it didn't matter what they did, nothing could be as bad as what he was feeling every single day of his life.

Eventually the couple got in the Mercedes, and before Tachi knew it the car was moving. The famous couple had been engaged in a conversation as if Tachi weren't in their back seat, and while his view of the two was almost completely obstructed by the back of their seats, he could still pick up bits and pieces of what they were saying.

"I don't know why..." The words had been drowned out by a passing truck honking its horn, but Tachi understood it to be Shindou's voice.

The next voice clearly belonged to Yuki, but he spoke so low that Tachi only picked up a snippet of what he said. "You're crazy..." Tachi could see Yuki's mouth moving in the reflection of the rear view mirror, but another passing car honking its horn drowned out his words. When the car fully passed, he managed to pick up the rest of the sentence. "...but I don't care either way. It's over."

"Not for him." Those words were the only ones that rang clearly in Tachi's ears, and echoed into his mind before the darkness around the outer edge of his vision began to encroach to the middle – then he saw nothing.

The first thing Tachi felt upon waking up was a raging headache, followed by the feeling of his stomach cramping up with even the slightest bit of movement, more than likely from his body trying to puke up nothing. When his eyes opened, he was greeted with a dim glow that blurred together with everything else for a few moments – then his vision suddenly cleared and he realized the glow was from lighting used by a dimmer switch.

He felt his body sinking into something soft as he turned on his side, realizing he was on a couch. _Where the hell am I?_ Then he remembered – he had run into Shindou Shuichi and Yuki Eiri, but after that he drew a blank.

"You're up pretty quick for someone who was as sloshed as you."

The deep voice startled Tachi and he jerked his body to sit upright, his head snapping to the other side of the couch where Yuki Eiri sat. When it occurred to Tachi that he was in _their _home, he started to stand, but his stomach hurt like hell and he felt overall like crap, so he sat back down.

His eyes narrowed in annoyance at his own body, yet his glare fixed itself to the blond writer. "What the hell do you want?"

Yuki stared for a few minutes, his eyes never leaving Tachi's form, as if he were studying him for what he would say next. When he spoke, he turned his attention to the can of beer he had in his hand and took a sip. "When Seguchi said he had taken care of you – I thought he meant you were dead."

Tachi was taken aback by that statement – what did he mean "dead"? He hadn't thought his life was in danger when dealing with Tohma Seguchi – then again, he _did_ push him in front of a moving car. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if this was going _easy_ on him.

"But that would be letting you off too easy," Yuki continued. "Instead, he now has your balls in a vice grip, and he's using all of his power to fuck up your chances at making a living in the music industry, am I right?"

Tachi's glare darkened as he forced himself to his feet, his hands clenching into fists. A combination of the festering hatred welling up in his stomach and the nausea from all the drinking mixed into one huge ball of disgust, loathing, and all around self resentment. He _knew _what was happening and why – he _knew_ Seguchi purposefully fucked his life up, and he did _not_ need to be reminded of it by a pompous prick of a writer.

Yuki's eyes shut and he turned his head away from Tachi, his lips pulling back into a knowing smirk. "You're paying for it right now."

Tachi's fingernails were now digging into his skin, no doubt drawing blood from the pressure. Where was he getting at? Was he throwing it in Tachi's face? "Is that why you brought me here?" he asked in a dangerous tone. "To mock me? Well go ahead! Because I know what I did was the dumbest move of my career and my life – don't think not a day goes by where I don't hate myself more and more, until it becomes so unbearable I go and drink my ass off in the hopes that all that alcohol will give me brain damage – so I can forget."

"Stop it."

Tachi didn't turn to face Shindou but instead kept his gaze locked on Yuki. Before anyone could say any more, the pink haired vocalist spoke again.

"This isn't..." he paused and Tachi turned to face him – Shindou's amethyst eyes shone with uncertainty. He had been looking down at the floor as if he were purposefully avoiding looking at Tachi and for a second his eyes flickered upward to meet his gaze, only to fall back down to the hardwood floor. "This isn't why we brought you here."

"Then why did you?" Tachi spat out, wanting an answer now. He would have preferred it if they just allowed him to lay on the streets by himself to drown in his own vomit and self loathing. Anything was better than having to face the two that inadvertently ruined his life – or at the very least had a huge hand in it. _Tachi_ destroyed his life, and he didn't need the two to constantly remind him. He already felt regret, he was paying for everything, his life was over – what more did fate want from him?

Shindou shook his head solemnly before running a hand through his pink tresses. It was then that Tachi realized he had grown his hair out again. In fact, he had even grown taller, though he still was not as tall as Tachi or Yuki. His overall demeanor had changed – he had a slightly more mature heir about him.

He had grown up. More than Tachi.

"You're too drunk to be wandering around the streets. It's--"

"And why exactly do you care, huh?" Tachi interrupted; he had taken a step towards Shindou but the younger male did not move or even flinch. He just stared at him and shook his head – he was pitying him again! "After what I did? I hired a group of thugs to do whatever they wanted with you and took pictures for blackmail, I threatened to leak your boyfriend's secret to the press – why the blue _fuck_ do you care if I'm wandering the streets drunk or pissing in the back of alley ways, huh?"

"Because _we've _moved on!" he spat right back, his own hands bawling into fists. "Did you know that we don't even _think _about what happened back then? It's the past and we're done with it!"

"Well I'm not, as you can plainly see!" Tachi wasn't sure when he started raising his voice, but he was sure the neighbors could hear him, not that he cared. "I don't have a choice in the matter! I can't go and pick up my music career, I'm _fucked_!"

The two glared at one another, both breathing heavily before Shindou turned around with a frustrated sigh; he moved away and stood with his back turned to Tachi and Yuki, probably trying to get lost in his own thoughts.

"You're not very strong, Aizawa, are you?"

Tachi snapped his head in Yuki's direction with a steely glare prominent on his face. He felt like the two purposefully followed him just so they could bring him back to their lair and proceed to make him feel like shit. Just what the hell was keeping him from walking out the door? If he walked out the door, then he wouldn't have to hear their crap any longer – so then why didn't he just do it?

_Then I'd be running. _Tachi felt a sudden realization dawn upon him – he had never voiced his regrets to anyone, at least not in the traditional apologetic sense. Ken always used to say that it was a liberating feeling to apologize – especially if it was accepted. Perhaps if Tachi told them how he felt, he'd feel a little less worthless. Even if it only lasted for a few hours, he wouldn't mind the temporary weight off his shoulders.

Maybe he really _did_ grow. Two years ago Aizawa Tachi would have considered apologizing to _no one._ When he was wrong, he ran.

Yuki must have noticed Tachi's face visibly getting less aggressive, because he stood from his seat and took a few steps closer. "You should realize exactly how pathetic you really are."

Shindou quickly spun around and gave Yuki a stern look. "Yuki, do--"

"No," Tachi interrupted, shaking his head. "I _do_ know. I know exactly how pathetic I am."

"You don't. You think you know, but you haven't even scratched the surface," Yuki replied with cold indifference. "And you'll stay pathetic unless you realize."

Tachi turned back to glare at Yuki. What the hell was he talking about? He hated it when people were vague and wouldn't just say what was on their minds. "Why are you saying these things? You're not making any sense!"

"Stop it, now!"

Shindou's shrill demand tore through Tachi's skull, eliciting a wince from the older vocalist. He turned to face him with a look of mild surprise at the sudden outburst. Shindou had turned around and was now staring Tachi down – that all too familiar look of pity outlining his features, hidden by a mask of anger.

Tachi's mouth hung open, having originally intended to say something, though he didn't know what. At least, _now_ he didn't know. Apparently the whole episode was affecting Shindou more than he let on – or maybe the argument had pissed him off. Either way, Tachi was starting to think the two knew something they weren't telling him.

Shindou closed his eyes for a few seconds before reopening them, his gaze moving to his feet. When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper, and Tachi had to lean forward slightly just to hear him. "Seguchi – he isn't the reason why you can't get any work."

Tachi pulled back in surprise. His head ached and his mouth was dry, but he ignored all those feelings in favor of trying to figure out what Shindou was talking about. "The Hell do you mean by that?"

He spared Yuki a momentary glance before turning back to Tachi with a sigh. "He only extended his influence to a few night-clubs, and one other major record label. Every other rejection – they were for different reasons."

Tachi shook his head in disbelief; he felt a tightness in his chest and found that he had to sit down. He backed up until he felt the back of his knees touch the couch and sat. "I don't believe you," he whispered, looking at the floor, before abruptly standing up. "How – how do you know this?"

"He told me."

_Shuichi nervously rapped on Tohma Seguchi's office door, wondering why the president of NG had wanted to speak with him. Normally he wouldn't bother to summon Shuichi alone unless it was important, usually about Yuki. _

"_Come in." _

_Shuichi took in a small breath, then exhaled in an attempt to calm his nerves before slowly opening the door and walking in, closing it behind him. He was instantly greeted with the sight of Seguchi standing in front of the large window behind his desk, staring at something off in the distance with his hands folded behind his back. _

_For a moment Shuichi thought he was going to blow chunks all over Seguchi's office – but the mere thought of getting his lunch all over the president's nice carpet and angering him was enough to keep his bile down in his stomach where it belonged. _

_He stood there like a fool for several seconds before the president turned to face him with his usual peaceful smile. "No need to worry. I do not bite." _

_Shuichi chuckled nervously as he took a few steps closer to the desk. He bowed slightly, not sure what to do or say. "Um, is something wrong?" He didn't think Tohma would have anything more to say to him regarding the incident with Yuki and Aizawa, and he and the rest of Bad Luck had been working hard – what could he want? _

_Tohma shook his head. "No, not quite. I just wanted to talk to you." _

_Shuichi arched an eyebrow. "Oh, um – about what?" _

"_How are you doing, Shindou?" _

_Shuichi felt uneasy. He knew Seguchi Tohma didn't give two craps about how he was doing – there had to be another reason for him being called to his office. He wanted to be straight forward and ask what this whole thing was all about, but at the moment he just wanted to get out his office and go home. Given everything that's happened in the last week, he wasn't in the mood for this. _

_He decided to keep his answer short and sweet. "I'm fine." _

_He nodded, his smile never faltering, though when Shuichi looked close enough he could see the coldness in that smile. "I'm glad. How are things with you and Eiri?" _

"_Huh?" Shuichi was momentarily taken aback, but he quickly regained his composure. "We're fine." He honestly hadn't known if Yuki was still okay. Truth be told there was apart of Shuichi that was still worrying about Aizawa. He wasn't afraid of him by any means – Hell, he pitied him, but who knew what he could do next in a fit of desperation? He could attack Yuki again! _

_As if noting the look of worry on his face, Tohma smiled again. "I assure you something like this won't happen again. I know you're worried about Eiri, as am I. But you know I would never let anything happen to him – Aizawa is taken care of, and he will not be bothering anyone again. His life in Tokyo will be a constant reminder of his bad decisions." _

_Life in Tokyo? Shuichi looked at Tohma with confusion. "Did you – did you do something?" Shuichi had no doubt that Tohma had a ton of influence in the music industry, but would he really use it in such a way? _

_Of course he would, he reminded himself. _

"_If Aizawa is smart, he'll realize how pathetic he is before it's too late. Maybe then he'll have a chance with NG again." _

"_Why did you call me here?" Shuichi asked, now too curious not to ask. There was no way in Hell Seguchi Tohma called him to his office just to comfort him. _

"_If you're happy and not stressed out, then it is least likely that you will stress out Eiri – and stress is the last thing that he needs, as you know. If Eiri refuses to get rid of you, the least I can do is make sure his time with you around his as stress free as possible." Tohma then took a seat in his chair and proceeded to stack a few papers. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm a very busy man." _

_Not wanting to hear anymore about Shuichi being a detriment to Yuki's mental health, the vocalist backed away and ran out the room. _

"He didn't say it in so many words, so I wasn't sure at first," Shindou explained. "I let it go because I really didn't care-"

"Then how do you know for sure?" Tachi interrupted.

"Who do you think is the only person he'll be so direct with?" Yuki asked, moving next to Shuichi. His gaze was fixed on Tachi, expressionless as ever. "Tohma is a manipulative bastard. When he wants to make someone suffer, he doesn't just take away their candy, he breaks their teeth."

Tachi continued to shake his head in disbelief, his mind reeling. All this time he had blamed Seguchi for his inability to rise in the ranks – to redeem himself, but it turns out it was _him_ all along. He was too weak to pick himself back up after being let go from NG – so weak that after a couple rejections he allowed himself to fall into a pit of despair and self loathing.

Now he understood what Yuki meant – he understood exactly _how_ pathetic he was.

"I fucked up," he muttered to himself.

"It was sort of a test," Yuki started. "To see how strong you were. If you failed, you suffered more as punishment. If you passed, you proved your worth to Seguchi – how strong your resolve is."

Tachi looked up at the famous couple for a moment before returning his gaze to the floor again. "Either way – he would have gotten something out of it."

Silence befell the room for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only twenty seconds. Shindou was the one to finally break the silence.

"If you were to pick yourself up now – you'd still be proving your worth."

Tachi looked up at Shindou in surprise. Was he giving him advice? "Why? Why would you help me – why would Seguchi take me back no matter how much I've proven myself?" He paused for a moment. "I don't see how anyone could."

He didn't know at the time – and he still didn't, but Seguchi was very protective of Yuki Eiri. After Tachi threatened to reveal his inner most secret to destroy him, he didn't see how Seguchi could take him back.

Yuki huffed lightly. "Like I said, Tohma's a shrewd businessmen. So long as he knows you've learned your lesson, he won't let anything good go to waste –"

" – No matter how bad it seems at first," Tachi finished, remembering Seguchi saying that same thing to him that night he had paid Yuki a visit. He wasn't sure if they were the exact words, but he got the message.

"It's not all hopeless," Shindou whispered. "Hell, if _I'm _still at NG then I'm willing to bet the last of my savings that you'll be allowed back – should you prove yourself again."

Tachi didn't know exactly what that meant, having no knowledge of the tension between Yuki, Shindou, and Seguchi, but he didn't dwell on it for more than a second. He had already began thinking about the future; would he be able to pick himself up again? How would he prove himself? Would Ma-kun and Ken be willing to take him back a _second _time?

After only a few seconds of contemplating his future, Tachi decided he would try to get his life together, that much he was sure of. It was whether or not he _could_ that was his problem. Over the past two years he had learned to rely heavily on alcohol whenever things got rough and he was prone to depression as well – how he would be able to deal with those two very big problems was something he still was not sure of.

Shindou took a few steps closer to Tachi with his arms crossed and said, "It's just a suggestion. Do what you want."

Tachi looked down at the younger male, who was returning his gaze. In just two years Shindou managed to seemingly get his life in order and mature considerably. His features were vibrant with the mark of a healthy lifestyle and his whole aura was that of someone who went from a boy to a man. Tachi did not want to admit it, but he found it inspiring, in a way. It would be hard, he knew, but if Shindou Shuichi could do it, so could he.

Without a word, Aizawa Tachi turned from the famous couple, walked out the door, and didn't look back. He hadn't even realized that he forgot to apologize.

* * *

A/N: I realize I left it pretty open ended -- that was a choice I made after several hours of contemplation, in case I wanted to do a sequel one day. Thanks for reading, everyone.


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